You are not alone, I feel the same way. I know storms don’t last forever and this too shall pass. Nothing is permanent, everything is always in a state of flux.
After a few days of complete lockdown, I found myself in a state of fear – fear of my loved ones getting infected, fear of daily wagers either dying of hunger or disease, fear of the world going in recession and who knows what else!
Then one day in a ‘Deep Coaching Intensive’ Zoom session with LeonVanderpol (I was a participant), my volcano of emotions erupted and I broke down behind the camera and I wept. I started searching for answers. Not about the virus, but answers about myself and my fears. Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, a Buddhist monk in his book “In Love With The World”1 shared his wisdom which helped me immensely and hopefully his words will support you too.
“Mind the Gap” is an audio or video warning used by railways worldwide to caution passengers to be careful of the gap or space in between the railway platform and the train.
Mingyur Rinpoche uses this analogy to explain that this gap also exists between our emotions, thoughts, perceptions and moods. It even exists between our in-and-out breath, it’s subtle, ready to miss and hard to notice.
What makes the gap so precious, he asks? Let’s say we are looking at the cloudy sky – some clouds are light and fluffy, some darker than others; they move fast or slow, disperse and change shape or dissolve in others. Then suddenly there is an opening and for an instant, we glimpse the sun. That opening in the cloud is the gap. The clouds represent all the normal content of an undisciplined mind, the constant chatter, and the endless muttering about anything and everything we do constantly without ever realising we do so. And that is exactly what I was doing!
We get so caught up with the stories we tell ourselves that we don’t even try to look behind the clouds. Or we may even think that these clouds or thoughts are our mind. We live our whole lives not paying attention or recognizing that the gap is the fleeting space in between our thoughts.
Rinpoche elaborates that these gaps or ‘in-between moments’ and empty spaces offer the experiential opportunities to the uncluttered mind. In these gaps, we experience pure perception. No time, no direction, no judgement.
The clouds of perceptions and memory clear and the sun shines forth.
I was reminded that the gap between the thoughts – like the gap between the in-breath and our-breath allows us to visualise our naked mind. The clouds are temporary and will pass like all storms pass and the sun is shining behind these clouds, whether we see it or not. Everything is constantly changing, evolving, enhancing, transforming, fading, and everything will change.
If I get attached or find myself in a non- conducive situation, I need to be aware that it is transitory, and not permanent, limited to a set of identities. As soon as I appreciated this transience and created an environment that nurtured this awareness, I began to recognise these gaps.
I was identifying myself with these thoughts, emotions, and fears and that was pulling me down. Learning these were mere perspectives, I was able to step back and know that my thoughts and emotions are just that – thoughts and emotions! They’re just my mental states.
Tenzin Palmo Jetsunma in her book “Into the Heart Of Life”2 shares a beautiful perspective on letting-go.
It’s like a dance. And we have to give each being space to dance their dance. Everything is dancing; even the molecules inside the cells are dancing. But we make our lives so heavy. We have these incredibly heavy burdens we carry with us like rocks in a big rucksack. We think that carrying this big heavy rucksack is our security; we think it grounds us. We don’t realize the freedom, the lightness of just dropping it off, letting it go.
That doesn’t mean giving up relationships; it doesn’t mean giving up one’s profession, or one’s family,or one’s home. It has nothing to do with that; it’s not an external change. It’s an internal change. It’s a change from holding on tightly to holding very lightly.
I have left but have certainly not arrived….
1. Mingyur, Yongey. In Love with the World: What a Monk Can Teach You about Living from Nearly Dying. Bluebird, 2019.
2. Palmo, Tenzin. Into the Heart Of Life: Buddhist Teachings on Wisdom and Compassion. Read How You Want, 2011.